making lemonade

So, here I am.

I think that I Blogged almost everyday for the first 6 months.

Then I cut back to 5-6 times each week.

Sometimes I would get excited about something and blog 3 or 4 times in one day.

Last Fall,  I realized that not everyone reading my Blog was a friend and then after subscribing to sitemeter and seeing that people from all over the world in every possible country were reading this (and often never commenting - just lurking) my thought process once again changed and I re-evaluated my feelings about Blogging. I became afraid to reveal my true heart. I started to think more about what I was writing. About the people out there reading my words. Seeing my heart on my sleeve. Dripping crimson, staining the carpet, ruining shoes. It wasn't my own private Journal with a few people reading it. It was world wide.

 I would like to come on here and always be upbeat and happy.

I would like to project Good & Positive images and words of Kindness and Love.

I want to share my enthusiasm for creating Art that makes people smile or creates a feeling of nostalgia and a sense of coming home.

I want to make friends and share and Grow.

I want to live my Dream of being a self-sufficient Artist.

I want to create everyday, something new and unique that smells of lavender and rose water and sparkles with mica and tarnished glass glitter.

I have so many plans.

So many ideas.

So much creative juice running through my veins.

I am afraid that since menopause all my focus has shifted from being a woman to being an Artist.

I am not gendered anymore.

I have only Passion for my work- or baking or cooking- which is also creative.

Poor Fred.

Who knew that I would turn into THIS person?

Driven to make and do.

As I lay there, arm wrestling my friend "insomnia", I think of what direction a project is taking or how I will draft this or how do I write about that and I wonder if I have to sleep at all?

Can't I just stay up?

What if I sneak out of bed and silently slip into my sewing room/art studio/wondrous magical emporium of all things mixed media/ and make stuff late into the small hours of the night?

Would Fred get mad if he found me, eyes heavy but sparkling with satisfaction over just completing another day-dreamed art vision that had been gnawing at me like some re-animated Zombie from Mars?

Would I have to go in time out?

So, here I am.

I have some killer projects to share but that will be tomorrow.

Tonight I need to say something else.

I need to say that I am going to get on a train next week and go visit my Mom & Dad.

I need to see them and they need to see me.

I don't know how long I am going to be gone.
I am going to try to take the laptop with me, but am not sure about being able to hook up on the internet- my parents don't have a computer.
I just wanted my sweet friends (and family who do read this) to know.
It is difficult to discuss things like death and illness and stay upbeat and happy.

Life is a constant force that propels you through the gauntlet of pain and happiness. As you run- thorns and briers tearing at your limbs- sections are a glorious garden of gorgeous gardenias- cloudless Blue Skies and unicorn rides- then suddenly your roses bite and welts and scratches appear along your exposed flesh...
It never ends until it does.
Then you are left looking back at the story you told with your actions and inactions and a multitude of wonderful moments all strung together like hearts on a string...

So, I need to do this.
I am trying to tie my lose ends before I go.

Barb ( Green Wellies) I got your card today. You are a wonderful,  sweet and gentle spirit and I am so glad we are friends.

Cate, you listened to me today with compassion and I thank you for your kindness and support.

Natalie, I have your address and will write to you and read your Blog to stay in touch.
The same goes for Vanessa, Monica, June, Joan, Sue, Tami, Andrea, Vicki, Ulla, Bitter Betty, Michelle, Laurie, Deb,  Amanda and my sweet belly dancing button girl Pandora mamayaga.

My life is so much better for all of you being involved in it.

When I get emails (1,978 in my net zero right now! :0 someone needs to teach me to purge- no wonder I can't find a thing!) that are full of such nice expressions of joy and thanks for inspiration I feel as if it is important to continue this Blog.

So, here I am.

I have bunny doll Betty Blackstone listed on ebay.

I am optimistically wrapping her to be ready in the slim event that anyone bids on her.

I sadly sold poor Melanie Melancholy for a pittance. 19.99 plus shipping.

I should have started the auction higher.

I learned a lesson.

I had about  37 hours in her.
I think I will list moth girl and flower girl on etsy.

I am not sure yet.

I kind of feel stunned.

Like, I should just drop everything and run.

I was planning on going later in Feb- and I hope that I get everything done that I need to before next week- I am almost finished with Scarlett's sock monkey- the gnome book will be wonderful in 10 months when it's Xmas again- forgive me Scarlett.

Jennifer- your infinity monkey apron is out on the sewing table again.

Debra- maybe a smock when I get back...

I did mail some things yesterday and today.

Troy's box. Lexi and Beau. Laura's Julia Child is on the way. Thank goodness you all don't mind Christmas in Feb. I guess you know it wouldn't matter if you didn't- I will mail it when I am ready to and not a minute before. dreaded Indian time. I am terrible at TIME. I mismanage it constantly. Getting LOST in it... Flashes Forward...Flashes Back...

I always imagine I have all the time in the world!

I flit from one project to the next and then my stack of unfinished things get hidden, buried under the current obsession.

I feel crazy.

Snails for Jude

Chickens for Maria

Here an apron- there a smock- look out!

don't knock over the chenille swing coat in progress! Its all cut out but the pockets are too low and I fell out of love with it. Even though it looks like a cake with icing for the lining.

Fickle seamstress!

Oh, The Damn Calamity!

If you want to be pen pals with me-

I have a roll of stamps-

send me an email with your address to:
[email protected]
we can send atc's if you'd like-

I won't have a sewing machine, but I am taking a tote bag of felt and embroidery floss.
I will probably get into trouble when I start sneaking the buttons off Mom and Dad's clothing but (not if I don't get caught!)
I am sure I can find something vintage somewhere in Augusta... I know, aren't I hilarious?

Even in the worst of times I can still find something to smile about.

So, here I am.
Tomorrow I will Blog about the fabulous Vintage Pillowcase Purse I made for the challenge over at Handmade Parade and the children's Gnome Apron and I will let you know before I go...

I can Blog Augusta and the Adventures ahead.

So, here I go.

as they say at the Hard Rock Cafe:  Love All, Serve All