Calamity Kim

Monday Morning.....

After a weekend with overcast skies, rain, coolness, and the leaves all falling off the maple tree out back, I know it's winter.
I know I shouldn't complain.
I would rather have snow than rain any day!!!!
I dry Sadie's paws each and every time she comes back in but she still manages to mess up the floors- not that I care but it does bother Super Fred, so I add that to the list of Monday Morning chores. I walk through the house turning on lights. It's dark and dreary. Bleah! I need some sunshine! I use the reveal bulbs in most of the lamps so that it is a brighter, happier light.
Maybe I will just get a shower and start my day! I forgot to do the MILF POST on FRIDAY so here it is on Monday- I weigh 177! I have lost 10 lbs altogether since we started! That is good! This is where I usually plateau and then get discouraged and slowly gain back the ten lbs. Imagine 2 bags o sugah!!!!
That is alot really when you think about it like that!
The big question is whether or not I splurge on some cake for the non Birthday that is tomorrow?
We aren't celebrating- I think we should just acknowledge it every 5 years since I will be 46 and that isn't as fun as 45 or 50!!
I don't feel any different. I don't feel any older.
I just am a bit grayer. But I have been going gray since I was 21.
So no big deal.
Birthday parties are for kids.
I do what I want all year and get what I want whenever.
I can't have my kids  or grandkids with me so I am just not doing anything!
Maybe next year.
I am going to get Marie Antoinette and rock out to that one!
I do have another grocery store drama- remember the not so nice gay guy story? Well, on Friday when I was at Publix I had on a better outfit, and my hair was actually blow-dried and down and I might have had a little make up on and this old guy was hitting on me in the meat department!!!(how appropriate!!)
He came up as I was looking at the pot roast and offered to come over and cook it for me- musta just gotten his Viagra refilled!!!
I had to giggle and say that I wasn't so sure my husband would like that and he actually said"What he doesn't know won't hurt him" Yikes!!!!
I said thanks for the offer and wheeled my buggy away as fast as I could- I caught this eavesdropping 80 year old's eyes as I sped away and she actually gave me the wiggle eyebrows! Oh boy!!! Living in the land of the dead and dying sure has it's moments! At least he had some vinegar left in him!!! Ya gotta admire his spunk! He was large and round and maybe 65...
Those old guys just love me!!! LOL!!!!  I just wanted to post about my fat ass for Lotta so she wouldn't take me off her list o Future MILF's....
I wanted to post about these Zombie Valentines that Amanda showed me. I cracked up!!

Gonna go turn on some more lights and work on that doll house some more! Maybe More Monday Misery Later...Cake pictures from Pink Cake Box over at Flickr- she makes the most wonderful, dreamy, whimsical cakes! Too pretty to eat!!!

Fairy Wing Dreams and a 5 lb bag o' sugah!

I am having a great day! I hope you all are Too! Every time I "talk"(er IM ) with Ms Amanda Buttons I learn something! This am I learned about Fairy Wing construction and will be blogging about it quite soon- as I make a pair and get it out of my head! Sometimes the ideas are like that. They creep in dark as shadows, just on the edge of my mind, the corner of my eye, and then they get stronger and bolder till they are dancing center stage with all the lights blazing until I have to stop whatever else I am doing and pay attention to only them!! The Diva Idea!! There are schemes and there are dreams....dog bone bakery, Rag dolls, art aprons...then, a word from a friend and Poof!! I saw my future! Fairy Wings! Not any sewing really but lots of glitter and magic. CALMAMITY KIM'S  WINGS OF SPRING.  Just you wait people! I am bursting at the seams to make some....and check the children's boutique market and import  type stores- you know the  ones that have incense and candles and stuff imported from India and China....We shall see!

Then I checked in over at Flickr while I was drinking my lunch and I saw this amazing quilt by this amazing quilter! I am going to steal, er, borrow some of her pictures to show you, but if you like innovative art quilts check this  stuff out! It is ART!!!

I weighed in For The FRIDAY MILF Group and I have lost another 3 lbs!! Yippee! So that is 5 1/2 lbs- a bag of sugar if you will! I have walked everyday for 2 weeks except on Sunday, due to the scary fog--thought something might get us!! Yikes! Feeling lighter and happier and good with the exercise! Must be endorphins. I wonder if there are Craft endorphins that kick in when I see something super cool to Make or Do.. Bet there are. I bet there is a huge section of the brain where crafts just rock!!!!!! Those scientists just haven't put their fingers on it yet...Happy sewing, Gluing, Glittering- whatever it is that you love doing- just go do it and have fun!!!!

Granny Panties

Please don't read this if you are named Troy. Just figure it will gross you out and turn away.It's about your Mom's big Fat Bastard Belly. So just know it's nothing you want to read or have in your head. Go back to War Chant and come back tomorrow.
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OK, now that I have properly warned my son, I wanted to make you Future MILF Girls crack up by telling you about my Granny Panties.
I used to wear Victoria's Secret and had some snazzy little numbers to dance around in on special occasions...Now it's the Hanes 3 in a bag 100% cotton Granny panties. Oh they have little flowers on them and they come in pretty colors but I can't wear bikini because of the Cesarean scars and it gets under my big fat belly and then it is very uncomfortable! So it's the high waist big girl pants.
After I start to lose weight the funniest thing happens...I can pull them up almost to my sagging boobs and they almost reach to my armpits ! That's when I get excited and yell: Hey Fred!!! Look!!!! Then I dance around in that for awhile, laughing and giggling..like an idiot him saying: oh you look just like Carmen Electra!!
He tries to be nice!
I don't think she even wears panties, but I'm not sure.
Then I happily go buy me some size 7 Granny panties!!!! 8 is their extra large!! 7 is just large. I did my measurements yesterday with Fred watching so I wouldn't cheat. Ready: 44-37.5-42.
Like a spindle. Or a big wedge of pie. 
Far cry from 36-24-36
So I have a ways to go before I can swing by Vickie's and get me a nice pair of lacy nothings...maybe by next Valentines Day (2008) I'll let you know....in the meantime I'll keep laughing! And walking! And drinking that nasty Slim Fast!

I miss chewing!

Get some carrot sticks Mom said.
Or some celery sticks.
I want some Doritos I said!
French fries!
Bread!
Pasta!
Cupcakes!
I've walked Sadie everyday since Friday and that feels good.
The Slimfast tastes like crap and I went to bed feeling hungry last night and woke up hungry today. That's what restricting my calories does. It makes me hungry!!!!!
I want to lose the weight and then just have to maintain it! And today the Jazzercise postcard came in the mail offering 2 free weeks and 25 dollars off! Yippee!!!!In Oct 2005 I had joined Jazzercise and lost 30 lbs over 7 months. Then the facility where classes were held was used for summer vacation school and so they stopped the MWF 8:30 am class that I loved. Now the only classes are on Tues & Thurs at 6:30 pm and Sat am at 9:00am. So I'll just change dinner time and go again! I enjoy aerobics even though I can't dance worth a shit! At least I'm moving and sweating!!!
So I'm sure this is all very fascinating for you people but It makes me feel better to journal it. It's all about the will power. If I can quit smoking I can quit eating garbage!!!
So today I worked on my cake stand idea and gave it a final coat of Mod Podge. I think it turned out well but I had originally thought I would poke some holes around the edge and hang some little dangle things.I used cardboard and a candlestick and then went to town!! The chenille cake is too big for it so I will have to make some smaller ones!  I'm still not finished with the apron, back burner, and am percolating some ideas for that winter wonderland pincushion. 
Does anyone know how they jury the Whip Up Competitions? It ends today and I'm kind of excited but I also am glad that I learned how to make a proper tutorial and PDF! I would have put that off and probably not have done it had I not been inspired by the Whiplash Challenge.
Here's a groovy link to an excellent site I saw that makes me want to learn to knit....like now!!!!!

Priceless

Golden, originally uploaded by texas sadie.

This morning as we discussed the diet and exercise plan that I have forced Super Fred into, I said maybe we need to get on a liquid diet.
Rum? he said
No, Slim fast.

So, I'm pulling out he Carmen Electra Exercise Video.
He said he'd watch it with me.

FUTURE MILF(melting inches losing fat)

So today is the first weigh in  for the Future MILF Group and I'm excited and still chuckling after reading her post at Mom-O-Matic! Lotta is so funny! She has 10 reasons to lose the weight and I haven't added all mine up but I will tell you a little story ..Last night we went to our favorite little Chinese Joint called HoHo's and had a scrumptous dinner- General Tso for me and Sesame Chicken for Super Fred. Yum! Then we went home and I left again to do some errands:
Return movies to blockbuster.
Go to Books-A-Million to get 2007 Shoes Calendar (50% off!)
Run in Publix for a few things we need.
As I run through grabbing paper towels and hamburger I wistfully glance at the Coca-cola and the Little Debbie's on the endcaps and say no to myself. Milf starts tomorrow. You gotta be strong, girl. As I cruise to a crawl on the detergent isle I glance to my left when I over hear a conversation between two young men, obviously in love and picking out their cleaning products for perhaps the first time together. Guy one: Oh, I don't really care, like, they're totally the same! Guy two: Oh, um, like I totally care, like, it totally affects your clothes! Well, maybe you're right says guy one and out of the corner of my eye I see that one of them is looking at me, after an elbow nudge, they're both looking at me. Then I hear an OMG! Do you believe that? Guy one: I so cannot believe that! Guy two: Disgusting! OMG! Then I sneek a glance back and sure enough they are talking about me.
me.
oh no.
I grab the detergent and sausages burning as I do the fast walk to the end of the isle, face on fire, head hung in humiliation.
I'm wearing cropped jeans and socks and sneakers, my hair is wild, the shirt I have on is lime green and stained with a bad bleach spill.
I used to be the girl in the front row of aerobics class with the great ass, I said to Fred between sobs when I got home.
I used to be a size 7!
I used to be young and pretty and hot!
Now I'm old and gray and ugly!
He didn't understand why I was letting those Guys from the store bother me.
He didn't know what to say. I felt as though I had been reviewed on Go Fug Yourself.   
I want to wear cute, stylish clothes again.I want to feel sexy instead of sluggish!
Sleek instead of Homered.
My Aunt Lottie looks like an orange with two toothpicks for legs.But she has such a pretty face.
We love Italian, Chinese and Mexican. If I am upset I WANT SPAGHETTI to make me feel better!
I don't need to mention the calming benefits of a cupcake with sprinkles.

Last night we stayed up till midnight watching SuperSize Me!
We don't eat McDonalds ever, but we do eat our share of Chic-fil-a, Quiznos, Taco Bell...need I say more?
Big fat ass short round. So today I weighed myself and when Fred gets home He's getting weighed then we are going for a walk and then we are going to start Atkins again.
Go check out the Mom-O-Matic blog- There are a whole bunch of us and stay tuned every Friday for progress reports. This should be entertaining at the very least!!