Yesterday, as I was walking Charlie, I thought about what I need to be able to create.
You know, the parameters of the environment suitable for creativity.
I brought bins of fabric, rotary cutter, mat, rulers, books, patterns, ideas, buttons, scissors, everything.
Everything.
But I feel out of place.
Up rooted.
Thrown to the wind.
At first I slept late, hard and heavy.
Then, I woke this morning at 6am and got up and made coffee. Ready to start a new day.
I brought a stack of books with me.
I had begun The Persian Pickle Club in Sarasota and was about halfway through when I lost it.
I mean,the house swallowed it up in one brief moment when I wasn't looking and I have searched everywhere.
I don't remember seeing it since the car dealer where we waited for at least an hour while Mom's car was serviced.
Sometimes, I admit, I skip to the last page in an attempt to see if it gives a clue to the resolution.
I know this may be considered cheating, but I could get hit by a train and not ever know how it ended.
In my defense, I don't Always do it.
Just sometimes.
Thank goodness I skipped ahead and read the last sentence, now, if it is lost forever, I won't mind so much.
I was making friends with all the ladies in the quilt group that gives the book its name, however, and I will miss Queenie Bean. Such a dear friend.
I am borrowing pictures from Flickr to illustrate my Sunday Morning Post, as I haven't taken any new pictures and it is cloudy and gray this morning.
So, I opened up Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen and once I met the Waverley Sisters, I couldn't stop reading and finished it night before last at about 3am. I had taken a nap earlier and couldn't sleep once in bed.
I was attracted to Garden Spells by the beautiful photograph and silky jacket paper.
I looked on the back fly leaf and saw that the author was from Asheville. That sealed the deal and I recommend it to anyone who likes gardening and believes that flowers and herbs have properties that affect you physically and psychologically. 
The first time I ever saw edible flowers was in the butter plate at a restaurant called The Alley Cat Cafe. This was always a unique dining experience and not just a place to go eat.
Sitting under the huge canopies provided by the Fl Live Oak trees with vintage pumps and purses (made into flower pots and spilling ferns and flowers out like lace and gloves), nailed to the trees and providing delight as the thousands of tiny lights strung in those branches gave a cheery glow to the occasion . Does that paint the picture?
I wish I had one.
I have my memories and as I try to clumsily share them with you, I wish you could go there with me.
Sitting outside under those giant oaks, at tables set with mismatched chairs and china and lovely linens and heavy silver, sipping exotic drinks from the bar or sweet tea with lots of ice, because though the breeze lightly lifts the heavy humidity, it is usually hot everywhere in Fl. and tea is so refreshing.
I wish you could walk through the gardens with me after finishing lunch and see the flowers and herbs and bathtubs planted with geraniums and asparagus ferns and then go into one of the cottages to shop for antiques and sweet curiosities displayed on shabby chic furniture.
I first met April Cornell there and sighed at the beautiful fabrics and handbags and dreamed of buying a dress and crocheted gloves and eyelet umbrella, to wear in that garden, ribbons fluttering from my hat. The Alley Cat Cafe was a magical place where I am sure fairies danced in the empty moonlit nights.
Oh,wait, I got blown off course!
Garden Spells is a good read.
I hope Sarah writes a sequel.
want to know what happens to these people.
I can relate to the Sisters and would love to live in an old Victorian with an apple tree that gives the eater visions of the greatest event of their lives. I would love to be a caterer and cook special meals with herbs and flowers and sprinkles of magic.
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert was loaned to me by my friend Sue Handman. I am enjoying it very much.
It is nice to read about someone else who personifies emotions like Depression and Loneliness, like real people sitting down next to her and smoking and conversing. I think about my friend Melancholy who always hangs out just in the corner of my heart. Sometimes she puts on her party dress and struts around all brash and full of bravado but mostly she lounges on the fainting couch nursing her gin and tonica. Of course, Elizabeth writes way better than me!
This book is about her year after her divorce.
She spent 4 months in Italy, 4 in India and 4 in Indonesia.
It is also a good read. I am on an adventure with her. Sharing her pain.
Anything is better than thinking about what is happening. I can't write about my family. It is just too personal for this forum. Too private. Too Painful. 3 p's.
But I can tell you that I am praying.
As I falter at sewing, I pray.
My sewing is an escape.
A lovely selfish escape.
I can't see anything else, as I narrow my focus like a kid with a magnifying glass trained on an ant, praying for sunshine.
I must put it aside for a moment and pay attention.
God is telling me to pay attention.
Listening and hearing are two different things and I realize I need to listen more.
I hear what I want.
Everyone does.
It filters through their experiences stored in their memories and may not come out the same as the speaker intended.
We make it into what we think.
Twisting the words into arrows we are sure were meant to strike our hearts.
Our language doesn't have enough words to describe some of our emotions.
Can someone make up some new ones that really make you feel the emotion in the word that describes despair?
To be void of Hope.
Well, that doesn't quite plummet the depths of despair.
I hope.
I pray.
I wish.
I want.
I need.
I, I, I.
This isn't about me.
This is about finding the right words to utter to communicate the feelings.
A sad-big-eyed kitten. A tree standing bare and alone.***
So, I am cooking dinners and washing dishes and trying to be a good daughter.
***
As I live my life I will read until I am blind and then I will listen to books on tape.
Sharing other peoples lives through their word pictures embroidered on the blank pages of my day.
I am thankful to have this laptop with me but it is so different than the computer at home.
I must bang the keys hard with my fingertips and the spacebarsticksoften just to frustrate me and make me go back and re read it.
It is just something else being difficult. It all is. It never seems to be easy.
It doesn't glide.
Slowly.
carefully.
Checking the words.
is this what I want to say?
Is this the right word?
My friends reading this miss my quilts and dolls and crafty how-to's, but understand. Please know that I will write you and say thanks for the comments.
Time.
Time to write.
Time to spend.
Fragile, fragmented time.
RECIPES
***ROSE PETAL SCONES***
rose petal -- encourages love...
2 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
2 tsp granulated sugar
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
4 Tbs unsalted butter
1/3 cup unsalted coarsely ground pistachio nuts
1 cup heavy cream
1 Tbs rose water
Tbs edible rose petals - finely shredded
Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Combine and sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, salt and cinnamon.
Cut in the butter and mix until crumbly.
Stir in the pistachios.
In a separate bowl, combine the cream and the rose water.
Stir in the shredded rose petals.
Add the cream-rose mixture to the dry ingredients, stirring until a soft dough forms. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown.
***STUFFED PORK TENDERLOIN***
nasturtium -- promotes appetite in men, makes women secretive...
1 pork tenderloin, 1 to 2 pounds
2 ounces goat cheese
1-1/2 tablespoons of nasturtium blossoms, chopped
1-1/2 tablespoons chive blossoms, chopped
1 sprig rosemary
salt and pepper, fresh ground
olive oil
Split the tenderloin lengthwise down the middle, cutting about 2/3 of the way through. Lay open.
Evenly spread a layer of goat cheese down the center of the tenderloin.
Evenly sprinkle 1 tablespoon of nasturtium and chive blossoms and a single row of rosemary foliage down the center of the tenderloin. Using kitchen twine, close the tenderloin back up and tie it together.
Brush the outside of the meat lightly with olive oil, then roll it in fresh ground salt and pepper and the remaining blossoms and rosemary foliage.
Place into an ungreased cooking pan and cook for about 30 to 40 minutes in a 350 degree oven or until a meat thermometer reaches 140 degrees.
***LAVENDER BREAD
***
lavender -- raises spirits and prevents bad decisions resulting from fatigue or depression...
3/4 cup milk
3 tablespoons finely chopped culinary lavender
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.
Grease and flour a 9x5 inch loaf pan.
Combine the milk and lavender in a small saucepan over medium heat.
Heat to a simmer, then remove from heat, and allow to cool slightly.
In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until smooth.
Beat in the egg until the mixture is light and fluffy.
Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt;
stir into the creamed mixture alternately with the milk and lavender until just blended. Pour into the prepared pan.
Bake for 50 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a wooden pick inserted into the crown of the loaf comes out clean.
Cool in the pan on a wire rack.
***DANDELION QUICHE***
dandelion -- a stimulant encouraging faithfulness...
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Grease a 9" pie tin or baking dish.
Coat with bread crumbs.
Fill with alternating layers of:
Dandelion greens, precooked until tender
Cheddar cheese, grated
Bacon, cooked till crisp and crumbled (optional)
Onion, diced and sauteed till translucent
Beat together:
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup cream or half and half
3 large eggs
Pinch of ground nutmeg
Freshly ground black pepper
3/4 teaspoon salt
Pour over other ingredients.
Bake until top is golden, about 30 minutes.
Let cool slightly to set.
***MINT JELLY
mint***
-- when used with other edible flowers, it confuses the eater, thus concealing the true nature of what you are doing...
1-1/2 cups fresh mint
2 1/4 cups water
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 to 1 cup sugar
3 oz liquid pectin
Green food coloring
Rinse the mint (stems and leaves).
Place in large pot and crush with a masher.
Add water and bring to a boil.
Remove from heat, cover and let stand for 10 minutes.
Add the lemon juice and a couple drops of food coloring and mix.
Add the sugar and mix well.
Put pot back on stove and bring to a boil, stirring constantly.
Once it comes to a boil, stir in the pectin and mix.
Boil for 1 additional minute, stirring constantly.
Remove from the heat, skim off foam with a metal spoon and quickly pour into hot sterilized jars.
Seal with hot lids.
*** CHIVE BLOSSOM VINEGAR
***
chive blossom -- ensures you will win an argument...conveniently, also an antidote for hurt feelings...
For every 2 cups packed fresh chive blossoms, you will need 2 cups white vinegar. Bring vinegar just to boil, but do not boil.
Pour over chive blossoms.
Let stand in rock or large glass bowl or bottle in a cool, dark place for one week.
Strain vinegar, discard blossoms.
Transfer to bottles and add sprig of fresh chive blossom to each bottle.
Flavorful and pretty pink color.
(recipe from cooks.com)
