something to say

Good Morning little Calamities!
For the first time in a long time I woke up and sat down here with my cup of coffee and after reading emails and checking Flickr and  I felt as if I had something to say.

I don't know how  Natalie has Blogged for 6 years- sometimes I think that my low self esteem causes me to think my Blog is no good and that no one cares and why should I even write anything anyway...
Sometimes I get moody and bummed out and just don't want to talk to anyone.
It doesn't matter how many nice and positive emails I receive, I just don't believe it.
I just don't realize that it is all true
Why would anyone care about me?
Or the stuff I make?
I have not had an actual true best friend since my first marriage ended and I lost touch with my friend Sharon.
I still love her and miss her friendship but am aware that people change and so much time has passed we can never go back to those good old/bad old days.
I never really met anyone else that clicked with me as well as Sharon did until I met Amanda at Flickr and we really became good friends. Then I met her in person and now sometimes I feel grief in my heart that I can't spend time with her in real life.

The same thing happens when I go read other Blogs- I love these women and can so relate to them that I feel pain at not having them be next door to go sit in their kitchen and have coffee or sit and quietly embroider with.

People who are not online don't understand this. They look at you with one raised eyebrow (picture Jack Nicholson) and say sure...OK, right...while quickly dialing for the men in white coats to come and take you away.

I love it that I can go over to Flickr and comment on Group activities and photos and get actual conversation with other quilty ladies and it makes me feel happy and like I have friends.

They understand me.

I also think that last year when I did the Atomic Holiday Bazaar show (which I found out about because Amanda told me, even though she lives in SC and the show is here in Sarasota) I was there for a reason.
I think it was to meet Barb and Cheryl.
They have become my friends along with Laura and Betsy and Deb and now, my life has changed again.
I suddenly have things to do and places to go that I didn't have before.
You may have thought I was some kind of big fancy pants jet setter but I am really very quiet-stay-at-homish-making-stuff-kind-of girl.
Give me the opportunity to go to the opera or stay at home in my jammies and sew and you should know by now which one I would pick.
Simple.
That doesn't mean that I don't have a complex personality with all the usual Artistic Quirks and Crazies.
I am by no means ready to cut off an ear and mail it to an unrequited love but I am a wee bit overcome with passion for my new friends and we are getting together again today to work on some paper roses.
I am demonstrating at the next Guild meeting and I enacted the Craft Phone Tree and called "the girls" to come and help me make examples.

Right before I dialed Cheryl, I said to husband - look out! I am starting the phone tree- it's just like in Practical Magic.
I hope they all show up with brooms!
 How funny would that be!

On Sunday we are getting together for more Paper doll fun- I ordered some more stamps from Catherine Moore and they came in 3 days! I am ready for more giggling!
So I had fun making the tiny wee aprons for Maria and Molly and then yesterday, obsessed with chicks I took a photo of Natalie's chick Betty and using the magic of the computer and some acetate I made a little Chicken paper doll.
I also want to make some embroideries with it and made several sizes of the image.

I am trying to find some paper that I can print on to make the iron on transfers- you know like the old Vogart company used to make?

I can't find that kind of paper and have no idea about what kind of ink you would use and even if I can't do it I would still like to know what it is.

Do you know? Not T-shirt transfer paper. Embroidery pattern transfer Paper.

Anyway, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for being my Friends.
That was what I wanted to write about.
I am deleting the one email account and will just be using the calamitykimdolls@yahoo account and when I was clearing the 56 pages of emails yesterday I felt like such a bad friend that I couldn't have taken a minute to write you all back.
 I do read your comments and I do enjoy them and I feel happy that you come here and spend a little time with me each day.
 I could sit here for hours and answer them all and then not sew and have anything to write about. It's a tough decision to make and believe me, I'd rather split myself in two and have one read and write here all day and the other go make stuff- but I can't.
So, please know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love.

There have been times in my life when I was so isolated by my job or situation that I didn't have time for friendships or kept people at arm's length and it was not happy.

 I think as an Artist you need to have a place to show your work and get feedback.

I think it has become very important for me to be able to share my work here and get that feedback.
Typepad made some changes to the way you can write your posts and that threw me for a loop-I couldn't write.
 I didn't want to try.
 I liked it the old way.
why do they have to constantly change everything?
 It is hard to keep doing chin ups when they keep raising the bar!
 But life is change.

Some days I think I suck and it all sucks and the world is shit and I am filled with despair over the way things continue to go directly to hell in a handbasket, but then I will get that one little email with someone saying that they like me or my work or how my words ring true and brighten their day and I am content.

I lift my eyes to the sky and say a prayer of thankfulness.
Hopefully no birds will by flying by.
Your Ever Crafty Friend,
Love & Stitches,
Calamity Kim