making lemonade

So, here I am.

I think that I Blogged almost everyday for the first 6 months.

Then I cut back to 5-6 times each week.

Sometimes I would get excited about something and blog 3 or 4 times in one day.

Last Fall,  I realized that not everyone reading my Blog was a friend and then after subscribing to sitemeter and seeing that people from all over the world in every possible country were reading this (and often never commenting - just lurking) my thought process once again changed and I re-evaluated my feelings about Blogging. I became afraid to reveal my true heart. I started to think more about what I was writing. About the people out there reading my words. Seeing my heart on my sleeve. Dripping crimson, staining the carpet, ruining shoes. It wasn't my own private Journal with a few people reading it. It was world wide.

 I would like to come on here and always be upbeat and happy.

I would like to project Good & Positive images and words of Kindness and Love.

I want to share my enthusiasm for creating Art that makes people smile or creates a feeling of nostalgia and a sense of coming home.

I want to make friends and share and Grow.

I want to live my Dream of being a self-sufficient Artist.

I want to create everyday, something new and unique that smells of lavender and rose water and sparkles with mica and tarnished glass glitter.

I have so many plans.

So many ideas.

So much creative juice running through my veins.

I am afraid that since menopause all my focus has shifted from being a woman to being an Artist.

I am not gendered anymore.

I have only Passion for my work- or baking or cooking- which is also creative.

Poor Fred.

Who knew that I would turn into THIS person?

Driven to make and do.

As I lay there, arm wrestling my friend "insomnia", I think of what direction a project is taking or how I will draft this or how do I write about that and I wonder if I have to sleep at all?

Can't I just stay up?

What if I sneak out of bed and silently slip into my sewing room/art studio/wondrous magical emporium of all things mixed media/ and make stuff late into the small hours of the night?

Would Fred get mad if he found me, eyes heavy but sparkling with satisfaction over just completing another day-dreamed art vision that had been gnawing at me like some re-animated Zombie from Mars?

Would I have to go in time out?

So, here I am.

I have some killer projects to share but that will be tomorrow.

Tonight I need to say something else.

I need to say that I am going to get on a train next week and go visit my Mom & Dad.

I need to see them and they need to see me.

I don't know how long I am going to be gone.
I am going to try to take the laptop with me, but am not sure about being able to hook up on the internet- my parents don't have a computer.
I just wanted my sweet friends (and family who do read this) to know.
It is difficult to discuss things like death and illness and stay upbeat and happy.

Life is a constant force that propels you through the gauntlet of pain and happiness. As you run- thorns and briers tearing at your limbs- sections are a glorious garden of gorgeous gardenias- cloudless Blue Skies and unicorn rides- then suddenly your roses bite and welts and scratches appear along your exposed flesh...
It never ends until it does.
Then you are left looking back at the story you told with your actions and inactions and a multitude of wonderful moments all strung together like hearts on a string...

So, I need to do this.
I am trying to tie my lose ends before I go.

Barb ( Green Wellies) I got your card today. You are a wonderful,  sweet and gentle spirit and I am so glad we are friends.

Cate, you listened to me today with compassion and I thank you for your kindness and support.

Natalie, I have your address and will write to you and read your Blog to stay in touch.
The same goes for Vanessa, Monica, June, Joan, Sue, Tami, Andrea, Vicki, Ulla, Bitter Betty, Michelle, Laurie, Deb,  Amanda and my sweet belly dancing button girl Pandora mamayaga.

My life is so much better for all of you being involved in it.

When I get emails (1,978 in my net zero right now! :0 someone needs to teach me to purge- no wonder I can't find a thing!) that are full of such nice expressions of joy and thanks for inspiration I feel as if it is important to continue this Blog.

So, here I am.

I have bunny doll Betty Blackstone listed on ebay.

I am optimistically wrapping her to be ready in the slim event that anyone bids on her.

I sadly sold poor Melanie Melancholy for a pittance. 19.99 plus shipping.

I should have started the auction higher.

I learned a lesson.

I had about  37 hours in her.
I think I will list moth girl and flower girl on etsy.

I am not sure yet.

I kind of feel stunned.

Like, I should just drop everything and run.

I was planning on going later in Feb- and I hope that I get everything done that I need to before next week- I am almost finished with Scarlett's sock monkey- the gnome book will be wonderful in 10 months when it's Xmas again- forgive me Scarlett.

Jennifer- your infinity monkey apron is out on the sewing table again.

Debra- maybe a smock when I get back...

I did mail some things yesterday and today.

Troy's box. Lexi and Beau. Laura's Julia Child is on the way. Thank goodness you all don't mind Christmas in Feb. I guess you know it wouldn't matter if you didn't- I will mail it when I am ready to and not a minute before. dreaded Indian time. I am terrible at TIME. I mismanage it constantly. Getting LOST in it... Flashes Forward...Flashes Back...

I always imagine I have all the time in the world!

I flit from one project to the next and then my stack of unfinished things get hidden, buried under the current obsession.

I feel crazy.

Snails for Jude

Chickens for Maria

Here an apron- there a smock- look out!

don't knock over the chenille swing coat in progress! Its all cut out but the pockets are too low and I fell out of love with it. Even though it looks like a cake with icing for the lining.

Fickle seamstress!

Oh, The Damn Calamity!

If you want to be pen pals with me-

I have a roll of stamps-

send me an email with your address to:
calamitykimdolls@yahoo.net
we can send atc's if you'd like-

I won't have a sewing machine, but I am taking a tote bag of felt and embroidery floss.
I will probably get into trouble when I start sneaking the buttons off Mom and Dad's clothing but (not if I don't get caught!)
I am sure I can find something vintage somewhere in Augusta... I know, aren't I hilarious?

Even in the worst of times I can still find something to smile about.

So, here I am.
Tomorrow I will Blog about the fabulous Vintage Pillowcase Purse I made for the challenge over at Handmade Parade and the children's Gnome Apron and I will let you know before I go...

I can Blog Augusta and the Adventures ahead.

So, here I go.

as they say at the Hard Rock Cafe:  Love All, Serve All

Comments

[Joan]

Dear, sweet Kim--I'm sorry that you can't sleep and that you feel sad about your ebay sale. I hope she will be loved in her new home, even if she was bought for a song!
Please keep in touch, you have my email & address. If I don't hear from you I'm gonna worry!
Love,
Joan

[mathea]

Dear girl, I know! I often have doubts about my blogging too, especially when I see the number of visits compared to the number of comments. But then I remind myself that my blogging is really for me, and that people are just shy.
I for one am happy that you are there - it's always a pleasure to see what you get up to and all the wonderful things you make!
Take care now, and give yourself a good hug from me!

[Mrs Thimble]

Dear Kim, please dont change, you are and have been such an inspiration to me. I have followed your blog for a long time now but always felt too shy and inadequate to comment, even now I find it very hard. Your words and meandering thoughts delight me and comfort me. I often struggle with dark thoughts and whimsical notions and it is so nice to see that the world is not full of cloned, perfect famillies. I miss your many postings a day, even now I still visit you twice a day to see whats new. I wish that I had the courage to put more of my thoughts and fancies down. Before Christmas we was short of money so I spent 10 days making a doll and clothes (all out of my precious old fabrics) to sell on ebay, only to find it went for the first bid to my Mom. That hurt. I hope all goes well for you and as always I look forward to when you next post.

[June]

Dear Kim, you have a zest for life that is wonderful and inspiring. You celebrate the joys but you are very aware of the dark side of life. It sounds as though you are facing some dark time ahead with your parents (I don't want to intrude on your privacy). This is a hard thing to face and and all anyone can do is celebrate the living of a good life and the fact that love was shared. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

As to the sleep thing, I have a really bad problem with that. So I work on many of my projects in the middle of the night to quiet my fears, worries, or pain (which is usually why my inability to sleep occurs). I haven't a solution to this problem to offer other than to let you know that your light is not the only light on in the dark hours around the world. You have a fellow sleepless friend in the night.

[rj]

Sorry to hear you are going through such a stressful time. I hope this visit goes the way you would wish it to in you dreams.
We will all miss you while you are not blogging. Many people visit your post every day to try to drink in creative energy from your fountain. All those people who don't comment? Every "click" onto your site is another "oooh" and "aaah". If you lean your head VERY CLOSE to the computer you can HEAR it..."Oh, it's always good to visit CK. She always has the Coolest Stuff!" Every click is someone saying "Awesome". Most people can't bring themselves to fill in a form just to say "Wow!" Guess we Should! Just listen for all those clicks.

[amanda button]

i love you, girl. You know i will be happy to stand at that station and hold up a Calamity Kim sign for you, just say the word.

You are in my thoughts.....

[happy zombie]

Goodness... I have so much to say that I fear my comment may end up being longer then your post! I'll try to Reader's Digest-afie it!

Sending lots of love and hugs with you on your trip. Don't forget to pack all of our hugs, k. And keep us informed if you can. Otherwise we're going to worry about you, k.

I used to think about hits and comments. I'd say to myself, "who are you and why won't to pop in and say hello?". And it didn't take long for me to realize that I was JUST LIKE that hit. All the blogs I read... and rarely commenting. I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad commenter. Part of the problem is more and more great blogs are popping up and I sometimes feel overwhelmed.

I also remember the first time I started commenting. I had first started blogging about stuff (politics, social issues, etc.). Got weirdo comments, plus I wasn't diggin' it. And then I discovered another planet... a planet of crafty women. Nice women. Wonderful women. Quilts, crafts, family life... I found my bloggy utopia! And I noticed all the comments on these blogs. At first I didn't know that it was A GOOD THING to comment. I thought I had to know these women. So not the case, eh! Anyhoo, back to Reader's Digesting - I believe a lot of visitors feel like I did when I first started blogging/commenting.

Blah, blah, blah... I'm rambling. I just want you to know I ♥ you and hope you never change a thing, ie... blogging from your heart, no matter how or what you write!

And BTW... I'm so jonesing your pink pillowcase bag! And another PS... it's been trying to snow here all morning. As soon as I came to your blog... it started snowing big fluffy flakes. It's snowing for you my dear!
xo,
Monica

[gwensmom]

You and I have been lurking in the same picture archives! I saved the girl on the moon and the lemon too.

I hope your trip to see your parents goes as well as can be expected.

[Tami]

Dear Kim, I hope that your trip goes well and that you are able to weather whatever unpleasantness may or may not come your way during it. Perhaps you'll even get some moments of great joy that will make your heart sing. At least that's what I'm hoping for you. Take care and let us know how you're doing from time to time.

I'm sorry that your Melancholy doll went for such little money. Fingers crossed that Betty Blackstone goes for much more. Somehow I think that ebay is a hard place for OOAK dolls to sell. But then again, it may just be the place for drawing people to your blog and then to your etsy store. So maybe the ebay dolls will be your lost leaders? Enclose a little business card with your etsy shop on it so that they'll check that out too.

Take care and have a safe journey! :-)

(Oh, I find that sometimes when I'm having bouts of insomnia and thinking of all sorts of ideas that it helps to write them down in a notebook. My mind then relaxes knowing that I won't have forgotten the ideas and I can get back to sleep.)

[kim]

I read your blog daily and am continually amazed. I don't have my own blog, but read others to try to get the courage to put myself out there. You are so talented, don't stop posting your projects.

[jude]

don't worry.

[Sue in western WA]

LOVE that pillowcase purse!

Ouch! That was a hit on the doll :-(
Better luck from here on out (how do you show crossed fingers via emoticons?)

Here's hoping you get some decent sleep before you leave, that your trip (and your stay) goes better than expected, and that you'll be able to keep us posted via your blog. What would I do without my Calamity Eye Candy??? eek! {palpitations!}

Timothy T. Tangelo sends his terrified best wishes :- )

[Sue]

Kim, I read your blog regularly & think you are so talented! I wish you the best in the days ahead, and just do your best & follow your heart. Take care of yourself. Sue

[Randi]

Take care of yourself dear girl and I'll look forward to your return to blogland...

[Noony]

It is inspiring to see and hear about all of your creative pursuits. It is also inspiring to know that you are human. You are not alone in those dark questioning moments. Many of us have times of disillusionment, when we feel alone and out of sorts with the world. We don't expect you to be happy all of the time. We love what you do and what you share with us. We just want you to be you.

[Sara Shalom]

I know how personal this post was for you, and (but?) I want you to know how much of it resounded deeply with me. Blessings on your travels. I'm praying for you to receive peace and joy in each moment, whatever each moment brings. You will be missed!

[Freda's Hive]

You are just darling. I love your stuff and love your point of view. Now that pillow case purse . . . I want that!

Thanks for sharing yourself.

[bs honey]

Hey, Kim. Turkey Feathers sent me. I'm happy that she did.
Girl, this is a deep post, to which I say, AMEN. I'm not a blogger; but I can relate to what you are feeling on other matters.
I have lost both of my parents, my Mom only last March, to cancer.
Sooo, you go, and "feel" every second that you are with them. Fill your stay with memories that will last for the rest of your life. Take a recorder, get their voices, play and have fun.
Memories...now where are those kleenex?
Thanks for listening, Kim. Bet you feel better, now. I'm sorry. Guess your post just touched lots of me.
I'll be back, all picked up and being the clown, so that we both can feel better.

[dawn]

Well said...all of it! Have a wonderful trip!

[That Lexi Girl]

Hey so much to say. First I sneak out of bed all of the time!! When there is someone to sneak away from. And I think crafting and creating is more fun when you feel like you are being sneaky.Second thank so much for the box! Merry Christmas to you! The slippers work! Even on the big crumbs my mini monsters leave behind. Third, I know your parents may drive you a little batty while you are there but enjoy it while you can. I know you will make some interesting memories to say the least. Taking buttons from clothes may add some excitment to the trip I say take a few. And lastly that is a FABULOUS!!! vintage pillow case purse! Love you whole bunches. Send lots of hugs ((()))

[christy]

Hi Kim,

That was the most heartfelt post I've read in a long time. Your blog is beautiful and so is your spirit.

More power.

christy
xx

[Debra]

Kim I will miss you! It has been such a treat getting to know you. I hope you keep in touch. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Lallee]

Kim, I'm guilty of wanting to read TOO MANY blogs and don't comment as much as I should. Your art is such an inspiration. Creativity justed oozes from your pores! Dust your feet of the lesson learned and move to higher ground where your art belongs. I sure can relate to the sleepless menopausal nights. I'm glad to be over that hump!
Hugs,
Lallee

[Lena]

A safe journey to you Kim. I will be thinking about you and your parents and wishing you all peace.

Take care.

[Sue]

I too was sent over from turkey feathers. You have a lovely blog and I certainly can relate on so many levels. I don't have a blog but have been considering one. I am concerned about the commitment that a blog takes. Do I have enough things to say? Do I have enough time? Do I have anything that anyone would even remotely like to hear? Could I figure out the computer/digital camera/technical end of it? So I just lurk and gather up inspiration from everyone else and I honestly didn't think it was hurting anyone's feelings. So I do apologize to all the wonderful blogs I visit and I guess I will start commenting on a regular basis. Thanks for letting us know how you feel. Don't give up on us...Sue